have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
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is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
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He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The adults are the big ones right?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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