I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
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One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
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His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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