Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
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And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
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but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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