I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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