Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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