A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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