you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My ass is underappreciated
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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