Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize