Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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