I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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