I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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