guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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