I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize