I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
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Swine flu is the new snow day.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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