you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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