ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
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Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
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Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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