There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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