Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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