with your own penis?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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