he thought i was a dude.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize