drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize