my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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