My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
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She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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