Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
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You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You're like the curious george of whores
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize