Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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