Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
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I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize