Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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