My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
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I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
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So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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