I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
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I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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