Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
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So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Come on in and take your pants off
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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