Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
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After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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