My hand turned me down
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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