Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize