tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
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I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize