I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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