Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
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I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
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I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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