He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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