I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
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He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
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I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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