at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
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