Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize