My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize