Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
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She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
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I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize