I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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