They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
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A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
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Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize