Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Holy shit dude........stairs
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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