Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
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They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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