just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize