You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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