Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize