he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize